hiking or your mate....choose one !

friendowl · Post by **friendowl** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:04 pm

if your partner came and told you

"im sick of mountain crap its either me or the stupid mountains"

what would you pick ?

sounds pretty stupid but my girl who i have a lil hiker from
is fed up with me and my adventures....

or

....didnt even think twice....

Terry Morse · Post by **Terry Morse** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:24 pm

It was only after I got married, did my wife tell me that she really hated camping and hiking and she always needed a bathroom with ample lighting to put on her makeup.

I am no longer married. If a partner really loved you, she would compromise, knowing how much you loved the "mountain crap".

Life is too short to have someone else dictate to you what you should be doing with your leisure time.

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:37 pm

I hear ya. My wife is a "running water, showers, and flush toilets" type. She was up front about it before we got married.

And I was up front with her: I'm a hiker and a backpacker. I've been doing it all my life, and even the thought of stopping is completely off the table.

If she gave me an ultimatum, I'd push back and say first, "you knew who I was before we married, and oh by the way, by what right do you issue me an ultimatum?" I won't let my wife have veto power over my life. If she persisted, I'd probably say "do what you have to do, but I have no intention of giving up the outdoors." I'd probably say that not so much because I'm per se choosing hiking over marriage but rather because one spouse has no right to issue such ultimatums to the other spouse. Were I to let my wife walk all over me on that issue, she'd start walking all over me on other issues. It would turn me into a doormat, not a human being. I just won't be treated that way.

Now, having said that, marriage is all about compromise. My wife does have every right to expect that I'll be home a good bit of the time, spending time with her and "taking care of business" around the house. The amount and timings of when I do my hikes is negotiable but hiking itself is not.

simonov · Post by **simonov** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:51 pm

Hikin_Jim wrote:If she gave me an ultimatum, I'd push back and say first, "you knew who I was before we married, and oh by the way, by what right do you issue me an ultimatum?"

Have you ever been married before?

Wives do this. All the time.

FIGHT ON · Post by **FIGHT ON** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:32 pm

friendowl wrote:if your partner came and told you

"im sick of mountain crap its either me or the stupid mountains"

what would you pick ?

sounds pretty stupid but my girl who i have a lil hiker from
is fed up with me and my adventures....

or

....didnt even think twice....

I would marry her. Yesterday

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:52 pm

simonov wrote:
Hikin_Jim wrote:If she gave me an ultimatum, I'd push back and say first, "you knew who I was before we married, and oh by the way, by what right do you issue me an ultimatum?"
Have you ever been married before?

Wives do this. All the time.

Yes, this is the first time I've been married. I'm sure I've got a lot to learn, but I'm going to push back hard if there's ever an ultimatum about hiking.

Post by **Taco** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:07 am

GOod stuff guys, especially what you wrote, Jim. I'll remember this.

AW~ · Post by **AW~** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:00 pm

For me, its usually a question of whether being "right" is worth it. A breakup w/ a kid involved would be serious enough for me to warrant a compromise. First I would listen to see what is really being said, per chance she just doesnt want to hear about the mountains or hopefully something like that. You would want your reaction to match your personality and not be a pretender/manipulator, so if you were a serious person, you would stop hiking immediately in order to listen, if you like to take things less serious the number of hikes would decrease, etc.

But lets say its the worst case scenario and she despises mountains and just has kept it to herself so far. So then its her right to be accepted for who she is vs your obligation to stay yourself....does she want you to be a couch potato?...this needs to be clarified. Cant just say dont do something, thats meaningless by itself...have to say what to do in replacement. And that replacement activity has to match or exceed any critical positives that hiking brings to the table.

Anyways, no point in faulting her for saying the grass is greener on the other side, if you are using the same logic for your argument. You'll have to come up with a better logic than say accept the moutains or walk to have any chance at persuading, as that logic also enforces her original statement("you like this logic, that means Im OK with what I said) and you stay in a defensive posture and the fight continues further.

As far as accepting her saying such a thing, I dont care who says it, I would consider it a bad indicator of their commitment....how can they be serious to say 'until death do us part'..they are going to leave over someone talking a walk or because they cant take a walk? Wow! 'I am going to leave' should carry immense weight and not be trivial...

Thats my 2 cents....

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:09 pm

AW wrote:As far as accepting her saying such a thing, I dont care who says it, I would consider it a bad indicator of their commitment....how can they be serious to say 'until death do us part'..they are going to leave over someone talking a walk or because they cant take a walk? Wow! 'I am going to leave' should carry immense weight and not be trivial...

Here, here.

friendowl · Post by **friendowl** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 11:49 am

it boils down to indoor person vs outdoors person...

when i met my girl some 7 years ago i didnt really like hiking...
my addiction has just developed and i have never been happier

i cant sit still and most of my thoughts revolve around planning trips
even when im broke i find ways to support my habit.....

my girl can sit on her ass from friday night till monday morning and
im tired of spending beautiful days looking out the window..

it may sound very selfish and wrong but hiking and doing all that outdoors things makes my life great and i wont trade it for anyone
or anything...people who dont like hiking/climbing suck.........

yesterday when i woke up from my lil nap on top of mt baldy
i felt better than i have in years...........life is good

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:06 pm

Well said! May I quote you on that? Maybe it would be helpful to my wife.

Terry Morse · Post by **Terry Morse** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:40 pm

friendowl wrote:yesterday when i woke up from my lil nap on top of mt baldy i felt better than i have in years...........life is good

Did you take your nap at 4:20 PM?

friendowl · Post by **friendowl** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:35 pm

Terry Morse wrote:
friendowl wrote:yesterday when i woke up from my lil nap on top of mt baldy i felt better than i have in years...........life is good
Did you take your nap at 4:20 PM?

its always 420 on my watch......all day every day

im trying to build me a crew of good hikers..dont complain and good sense of humor....yesterday my friend wanted to hike with me so i took
him up the ski hut trail....he wore vans [shoes] haha and he was slipping and sliding all the way up and down...it took forever but he made it...
took like 4 hous up and two and a half down....it was hot and no wind at all
lots of bees on the summit..we had a good time laughing at all the people
who started late in the hot part of the day...right after the ski hut some people looked real hot and tired...they asked if it was close hahahaha
and some lady messed up her ankle and her partner had to piggy back her down...he was getting frustrated cuz he kept almost falling and she would cover his eyes when he was slipping..it was funny

simonov · Post by **simonov** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:37 pm

A lot of problems can be avoided simply by getting up earlier. I would have thought this would be obvious to people, but no . . .

Rob · Post by **Rob** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:34 pm

Hikin_Jim wrote:marriage is all about compromise.

HJ, you've already made an earnest effort at compromise. You no longer air your sleeping bag, tent, ground cloth, and other hiking gear in the living room 5 days per week, and you now carry an electronic panic button "just in case."

FIGHT ON · Post by **FIGHT ON** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:35 am

simonov wrote:A lot of problems can be avoided simply by getting up earlier. I would have thought this would be obvious to people, but no . . .

Every time I go on a hike with somebody else I have to bribe them to get to the trail head earlier than they would like. (simonov, can you imagine starting at like 8 am??

) . If I could have my way I would start every time at pre 4 am. In the dark. I would do it alone but I'm still a little scared of the dark hiking single. So when someone wants to go with me then I start my campaign. Charles and CO are the least reluctant but even with them the starting time subject dominates the plans.
On the times that I do win them over it's fun to watch the transformation as the sun starts to come up! Vowing to never argue with me again about it. etc. By the time of the next hike they have completely forgotten. Not me!

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:30 am

Rob wrote:
Hikin_Jim wrote:marriage is all about compromise.
HJ, you've already made an earnest effort at compromise. You no longer air your sleeping bag, tent, ground cloth, and other hiking gear in the living room 5 days per week, and you now carry an electronic panic button "just in case."

lol. I'll have to let her know that.

Rob · Post by **Rob** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:00 pm

Hikin_Jim wrote:I'll have to let her know that.

Please don't mention my name.

Post by **Hikin_Jim** » Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:41 pm

Rob wrote:
Hikin_Jim wrote:I'll have to let her know that.
Please don't mention my name.

KathyW · Post by **KathyW** » Fri Aug 08, 2008 5:06 pm

friendowl wrote:if your partner came and told you

"im sick of mountain crap its either me or the stupid mountains"

what would you pick ?

sounds pretty stupid but my girl who i have a lil hiker from
is fed up with me and my adventures....

....

How old is the little hiker? Is he/she small enough to put in one of those packs made for carrying children when you hike or big enough to do small day hikes on his/her own? Would your partner be more understanding if you took your little one with you on some of the hikes and gave her some free time to relax or get involved with a hobby she would enjoy?

I didn't hike when my son was a tot, but he loved to ride in the child carrier when I went out for a ride on my bicycle.